Entry from Kilkarak’s Expedition Journal Day 183

It is early morning. I know I must be getting sentimental, or afraid I won't survive this expedition, this being my third entry in as many days. Once the sun rises, we will approach the Carapid Ward and see what our fate may be. Before breaking camp and embarking, I wanted to write about my wife.

I don’t know how the experiment went wrong. I have gone over everything in my head more times than I can count. My preparations should have yielded a different result, not the death of my wife. During the same experiments I have run since that one, everything has gone according to plan. One day she was feeling fine and her pregnancy progressing normally, the next, her own cells started to mutate instead of just the twins'. It was a painful death, with the twins gestating inside her as her body broke down. I finally faced the truth and had to kill them all, mercifully.

I have never told Dashyl that his mother died because she wanted to be the first subject of the experiment that would turn my career around. Someday, I will tell him, when he’s old enough to better understand the situation. The fact that she wanted to be my first subject demonstrates her support of my career and the decisions I made. Dashyl must understand the sacrifice was for the betterment of our family.

If anything, I am sad that she has not seen Dashyl blossom into the capable and smart boy that he is. He is her legacy. Perhaps he gets some of my intelligence, but he definitely has her athleticism, hardiness and brazen personality. How I was lucky enough to end up with Sanesia, I will never know. She had moved to Katena as a young schoolgirl when her own Chemist father was transferred from Karmethia. She was the best lab assistant I had in my years at the Catalyst Foundation laboratories. Our attraction stemmed from mutual respect and drive to succeed. We clutched at the same dream with a singular devotion of purpose. 

That’s all gone now. My drive to succeed has killed my wife and I may have doomed my own as well as my only son’s on this crazy quest. Sanesia, guide me this day, my love. I hope to be with you soon.